THE AMBER WEITZER PODCAST SILHOUETTES OF SUCCESS
AMBER WEITZER | EPISODE 61 | SHOW NOTES
FEATURED GUEST
Fuel. Holy sh*t, I have been doing this all wrong.
CONVERSATION HIGHLIGHTS
What motivates you to make change in your life, job, career or a relationship? Of the many reasons that can come to mind and be a part of the decision, what fuels the change? Well, I guess I never stopped to break it down for myself until recently. Allow me to share some thoughts and short story that brought light on how I now realize I have going about this all wrong. So very wrong.
I have been in and around the real estate industry my whole life. Our father was a real estate Broker for many years when we were young, playing in the basement of his office, being there on the weekends in the summer to hang out or riding shotgun with my beloved Grandfather in his prized green pickup truck cruising the streets installing the yard signs to working as a receptionist in the late 90’s before obtaining my sales license, now Brokers license, and so on…I have been in it! I remember when home mortgage rates were in 13%-16% (and we baulk at 4% these days), when agents had to go to each other’s sales offices to pick up keys to show a property, the IN/OUT board with everyone’s name and a magnet to slide over to indicate if an agent was in the office or out and….yes, we operated just fine before the internet! We talked to each other! Much has changed, much has stayed the same and all along the way my journal has collected notations of Do’s and Don’ts, pros and cons, feeling, events, memories and everything in between.
I pride myself on loyalty to a respectable employer, nothing and nowhere is perfect and sometimes we either instinctively know when it is time to depart or over time it becomes painful clear-sometimes not even our decision. Over the past real estate segments of the journey, I was able to learn so much just for the environments alone, the examples (good and bad), the methods, the sales and business styles of agents, office structures, hierarchy, inefficiencies (like nails on a chalkboard to me!), their service to the client -their lack of service to a client and each other. What a ride! There came a time while I was at a startup brokerage based outside of my immediate local area, but it was fresh, new and felt exciting, and it was for some time. Growth or, better yet in this case, expansion has an impact on the organization. If the right leaders are not in place, the wheels can come off quickly. There were times that I would partake in events that I felt proud that I was representing the brand placing a lot of effort into it, on their behalf-that’s what one does when they are loyal-or-invited to events and reach out to share the exciting news, receiving a flat or no response…it was so clear that I had to begin making plans for myself. Talk about having tons of journal entries. While attending one specific event I remember receiving another message (text or email) from one of the leaders and again, it wasn’t of a pleasant tone, while on the airplane and for whatever reason, the image that I began to identify with was…get ready for some laughs…Electro (played by Jamie Foxx) in Spider-Man 2! The energy that he absorbed then would get stronger, more powerful and well, a wee bit enraged-feed me I said, feed me! Oh, the FUEL, these interactions were just adding to the fuel and sparking motivation to make things happen towards a change. I was feeling unappreciated, hurt, not respected or even wanted-feed me-the emails, the tone of communication-feed me. I remember even sharing this image in my head of Electro with my husband and a friend-so funny now to look back. But, at the time, it made sense. Now, it wasn’t a full of furry of anger-I wasn’t in a happy space or positive mindset, that’s for sure-but it was something that was spurring me along, the writing was on the wall as the saying goes-it was time to make a change. I have so many notes, journal entries over the years tied to best practice observations but mixed in with notations from all of my experiences over the years, many influenced by Electro’s fuel of negativity, resentment, or experiences and in the moment my feelings…right or wrong.
Everyone likes a plot twist; recently an exchange put the brightest clearest spot light on this thing called fuel that flipped the script on me. The words were at the tip of their tongue, as if they had been needing to be said for so long, just awaiting a moment to share them. In that moment, I knew it was raw emotions, pain that they needed to tell me. It shattered my heart in that second to realize how long they had been holding this, waiting to say this to me. It both knocked the wind out of me-a punch to the gut and in the blink of an eye, flipped it all upside down…in just moments clouded so many years. In truth, I knew there had been “something”, one can see it in someone’s, eyes-but I didn’t see that coming. This is one of the most precious people in my life, how could they think that, how could that have been what they held onto all of this time, was that really what I said and why I said it? You see, clearly, I’m not the only one who uses “fuel” for motivation or to inspire a change. It was pointed out to me that, from their perspective I made certain comments (which, I am inclined to do-I own that), or they were remembered as my comments in that context which were less than supportive to them at the time. Far less than what they needed me to say or they needed to hear from me or the timeline it was remembered. It hurt. It hurt to find out that all of these years I wasn’t the person for them that thought I had been. In fact, to think of me was part of their fuel. My heart sank, my stomach was in knots (for days, actually weeks), reeling of the thoughts they have carried about me all this time-that they had been hurting because of me. I replayed as many of the mentioned interactions as possible until I had to stop and let it go-meaning, release the exchange for my mindset (not the person or relationship or the ownership). This is a snippet of the story but only enough to illustrate and share the example for this episode.
In making the decision to let it go, it alerted me that I need to take a hard, deep look at myself in this context of using fuel as a motivator. In moments, the blinders flew off…Holy sh*t, I have been doing it all wrong.
Maybe it’s with the maturing of age that I have become more at ease and in peace with life. Perhaps my journey has given me enough enriching experiences that the shock factor is all but extinguished (really, there isn’t much that shocks me anymore). When did it become the preferred, or automatic course of action to use and allow negativity, anger or pain as fuel to motivate me to make change? Yuck. While I love the bumper sticker saying “Go ahead, underestimate me that will be fun!”…when did I make the decision and choice to use, allow or enable and give negative feelings the power to be my main fuel source-holy moly. Halt. Stop.
A few years ago I came across a TEDx video with Caroline Myss and it rocked me to the core. I’m a work in progress, but this video is key to this story today…and every day. During the writing of this episode Caroline’s words popped into my head, loudly. Her video link is below in the resource section. I go back from time to time and revisit for a refresher, to include today. I encourage you to check it out too.
A couple of years ago, new light was given to the term I had come to associate with a key tool for making change in my world when my treasure of a business coach, Coach Julie Kaczor (Silhouette Of Success Episode 2) in one of our weekly calls coined a phase for me “Fun Fuel” for labeling a portion of my real estate paydays to use towards my passion projects (nonprofit/philanthropic participation) “fun” fuel-well, that was a positive tweak of the form what I had been accustomed to when thinking of fuel. I was grateful to reframe the work fuel and embraced it. My Fun Fuel allowed me to do things, good things, great things in fact, so this was awesome. I have told everyone about Fun Fuel, it’s happy, it’s positive motivation and it’s power for fueling to make good change…it’s fun! Sure, fun, but I left it there. I didn’t allow it to sink in and expand to my overall mindset and to be the guiding light of my decisions, choices, goals or inspire me on my motivational journey.
What I realize is that creating change from fuel centered on hard feelings, negativity, anger, rebellion, resentment or fill in the blank-doesn’t start one off on the next path forward to the next step in light. It’s a dark journey focused on thoughts of the emotions of unhappiness. I know, I had been doing it…and it’s all wrong. All so wrong. It’s my choice, my power to make a decision of peace, light and integrity.
The path becomes cloudy, the undertone of the journey is at its root unpleasant even if it yields favorable results and without hesitation, I know this to be true, from my own hard knocks experiences…it’s not a happy place. That isn’t success, what’s to celebrate?
How about these words of wisdom: “Never trust your tongue until your heart heals”…whomever said that, thank you-I repeat it all the time in my head. All the time. All of the time.
It is with this realization of an eye-opening revelation that I earnestly stand in my passion to pursue my growth into a better human with the white-heat burning desire in my mission to stay true in sharing real-life stories of what I have learned along my Silhouette Of Success journey and what our amazing Silhouettes Of Success Sorority Sisters share as we continue to pass the light on to help inspire, motivate or uplift you!
INTENTIONAL INSPIRATION
Set the tone for your life by beginning each day with gratitude, make changes for your life with thoughts of positivity, light and betterment as motivation.
RESOURCE LIST
This Month’s Business Spotlight Winner…
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