THE AMBER WEITZER PODCAST SILHOUETTES OF SUCCESS
EPISODE 29
SILHOUETTE OF SUCCESS | SORORITY SESSION
In this Sorority Session:
Time Out Called from the Sidelines!
Let’s review the Conversation Highlights:
The Gift | Identity | Habits
The whistle is blowing, the noise of the massive crowd is deafening, the arena is your home, your teammates are cheering you on, the opposing players are trash talking borderline, aggressive but it’s kind of okay…after all you are used to it, you’ve been in the game for so long, it’s all you know, it’s all you feel comfortable doing but you are exhausted. It’s no longer fun or no longer “fills your love tank”, or perhaps you get injured or traded…now what? In addition to the exhaustion, sweat from your devotion to the game in learning and honing your skills, extensive hours of practice, literal blood, sweat and tears invested in the game, time away from friends and family, missed opportunities…this is who you are. Your whole identity is attached to what you do. Sheer terror and panic now flood you with fear of what will you do if not this? What the heck do you do…this is all you have known for so long. It’s how everyone knows you, it’s your title, your career, your job…your whole identity!
All of the sudden you hear someone from the sideline call for a TIME OUT, TIME OUT!
WHOA. Stop, take a deep breath. Breathe…have a seat and let’s chat for a few minutes.
First of all; raise your hand or give me a Whoop, Whoop if you have been in this situation (plus or minus the sports analogy!). ME! I HAVE!
Yes, I have been there, similar to Karen’s experience she shared in her Episode 29 of having her identify or assumed path determined early on and tied to basketball.
So how do you (ugh…I’m going to use “the word”) pivot after doing the same role or birthing a company and having to leave or let if go? It’s how everyone knows or associates with you…it’s your entire IDENTITY.
NO…it’s not. Not really. Sometimes we get too close to the issue that we are fearfully blind to the fact that it’s because of our diligence, devotion and loyally to the game that’s what we feel people see, that’s why we are in tune with the label or brand. I once read that when you begin to have this feeling, to have the belief that your identity is the position/brand/company…that it is time to move on. This is not healthy or a way to be fully successful. One vivid, real-life example would be Karen’s Silhouettes of Success story, of course-it is primo! They, and she all assumed that after her basketball playing days that she would become a basketball Coach. Go back and listen to her share, in only the way she can!
That advice I mentioned reading, talked about the entrepreneur sector and once you become so intertwined with your brand or your identity is so interwoven with the company-you become in danger of not being able to have quality in your personal life and difficulty-perhaps even unable to scale the business to sell it down the road. You are too close. It’s too personal now. It’s all “you”, it cannot survive without “you”…or worse yet, you feel you cannot survive without “it”.
My real-life example happened over a Christmas holiday. I birthed my independent real estate firm from the ground up, like most entrepreneurs. Hours, days turn into weeks and years. It is again, literal blood, sweat and tears…of pain, fear and joy!
After almost 15 years in the industry, being “independent” became my most productive and profitable years in the business. In year one, I was doing the role equivalent to at least four others from an office I had just left (talk about inefficiency gaps-ugh, the worst…that’s another Sorority Session!). This was fine by me, in fact it was so liberating! I could and was doing EVERYTHING A to Z, and in full compliance with my high standards. It’s not a boast, but with organization, efficiency and systems in place, it’s doable.
Fast forward a few years…it was still all good but in an industry that is both rewarding and highly stressful, it can bring on utter exhaustion to a breaking point if you are not in tune with boundaries. So, on this particular morning, a client knocked on my front door, at my home, on a Sunday at 8:30AM. Yes, that happened. In addition, they knew I had family in town and overnight guests (cars still in the driveway)-they told me they drove past last night to see that I was entertaining…so they opted to not knock then-yup, true story.
In my pajama’s, holding my niece with family around having coffee, packing up, hugging and saying good-bye’s…it was surreal this was happening.The question wasn’t something I had neglected to communicate with them on or about…no lack of service on my part. I share this with you as it was a breaking point for me. An utter intrusion in my opinion, a boundary had been crossed…and because I was so intertwined, so close and this was personal…something was about to give…
TIME OUT! TIME the HECK OUT! TIME OUT!
We also heard Karen talk about The Gift from the kind older gentleman who took the time to talk with her, to share with her that he saw another talent she should explore another path, that gift for me during this tough time was from my sister-in-law who looked around the house fully decorated and staged for Christmas and Santa Claus’ arrival with red velvet ropes and silver stanchions, etc, and said, “you have a gift, you are so good at this!”. With her life saving kinds words, I explored a path the next day that led me to an amazing new opportunity that I hold dear to me heart to this very day. Listen when someone shares with you, have open ears, wide eyes and full heart. You might not be ready in that moment but listen. They are giving you a gift.
I hit the reset button after that Christmas holiday to review with my Coach to evaluate everything, rethink everything, to set clear boundaries and detail out expectations for me, for the company. It is then, in those discussions that I remembered what I read, ha..what I had shared with one of my siblings about becoming too personally attached to your company/brand. It was then that I re-adjusted and came back with vigor, clear mind and a defined separation from the brand and real life. The passionate commitment to the firm, clients and all of the trimmings has never wavered, but my personal identity is no longer so tightly intertwined that if there is a hiccup, I don’t come unwound!
Now, get your thoughts together, revisit your goals, set clear boundaries and expectations for yourself, your company/position and get off the bench and get back out there! I believe in YOU!
Fun Fact: Did you know there are different time out rules for high school, college, WNBA and NBA? Sure you did, I’m not a sports nut so it was a fun fact to me!
